should
Interesting word: “should”.
Did you see former first lady, Michelle Obama, in that recent Annie Leibovitz photoshoot?
Sexy, sultry, in faded jeans and plunging crop top, exposed navel, blowing, exquisite long braided hair.
She looks amazing, jaw-dropping amazing. She’s always leading. Showing new ways of being. Leading with her brilliance, presence, voice and style to new ways of thinking. Breaking rules, some subtle, some bigger with her words, her practical, strong mom-talk, her exquisite sense of fashion. And by doing that, helping us re-envision ourselves.
Michelle Obama by Annie Liebovitz
I’m a fanboy. That part is obvious.
Still, it begs the question: “Should” a first lady be mind-blowing?
And if she can be and by doing that lead us with such surprising power and deftness, “should” you?
(Be mind-blowing?)
(Push yourself and others beyond your and their comfort zones?)
I’m going to argue that the answer is a resounding yep.
You should.
In the right circumstances.
I love thinking about “should”. I also have an allergy to the word.
Clearly, we need boundaries and protocol and systems. We need to respect the learning and experience of so many who’ve come before us.
We also often, especially now, need the courage to experiment and find new ways of seeing, being and doing. Everything, literally everything, is shifting around us, re-organizing and racing ahead, fast. Now more than ever, we need to be ready to adapt to that change. And to adapt you need to, or should, experiment.
When we’re experimenting, we probably will end up doing it before we know exactly where we’re going or precisely why. We often will just have to jump in and see what might work, with curiosity and a gut suspicion that this could be really interesting.
Let’s see.
“Should” implies there is some person, authority, rule, group, some protocol deciding who should do what. When I hear someone say something like, “I know that I should do this or that.” I often say to myself, “says who?” or “why?”
And where is that boundary? If someone says, “Oh, the boundary is right here or there.” I guess that’s helpful, but who decided that boundary is right there and why? And what if the times or our situation changed and the boundaries have moved? How will you know? Are these boundaries right for you, for us, in this situation?
There are times to experiment, explore, ask about “should”. Those are the times when the best way forward is to try something. See if it works. If it doesn’t, try again. Try something else.
Of course, there are absolutely times when you simply should or should not do something. You shouldn’t smoke tobacco. You should get everyone out of a burning building. You should get vaccinated. (Wink, wink.)
And when you need a new way forward, you should break some eggs. You may need to bend or even break some rules or someone’s narrow-ish sense of propriety.
Often, situations, culture, protocol, rules and people don’t “want” you to push those boundaries or experiment with the new. They want you to paint precisely inside the lines. To get an A you need to answer with the correct, right answer. But sometimes you may just need to throw paint on the canvas and see where the drizzle and dripping take you.
Jackson Pollock Number 3, 1949
Any successful artist, athlete, performer will tell you that change, growth and insight probably are not going to come while you’re lounging in comfort. Rather, those new things emerge when you’re challenging yourself and others.
They’ll also tell you that along the way, you’ll likely witness some pursed, puckered lips, raised eyebrows. Hear some tsk tsk-ing
Ideally, you will fail (a lot). Then you will get up and try again. You will learn from all that failing. You will need to be open to the learning. Willing to see the nugget-gift when it lands at your feet.
Then, who knows?
Maybe with lots of persistence and more than a little luck, you will to your shock find the courage to put on some faded jeans and sexy crop tops, and discover that, OMG, you are indeed mind-blowing!
Or not.
